You were with me, but I was not...

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–Cherry (Teresita) Estioko

The Lord who dwells in the deepest center of my heart and is always present within me but when I commit sin especially mortal sin, it will block me away in union with our Lord. Mortal sin leads me to be separated from God’s saving grace. The Lord wants me to love Him with all my heart, mind, soul and strength. I can easily commit sin but with God’s grace I pray that I will be aware of my sins and in all humility ask for His mercy and forgiveness.

Meditation:

Lord you are my life, You who are always present within in me and deserve all my love, forgive me for I am weak and I can easily be distracted and got separated from you. At times, I became insensitive to others without knowing that it is You who is knocking in my heart – calling my attention because it is You who are also present in the hearts. Why can’t I see you from them?

I experienced this before when the time I got separated from God because of my sins – I easily snap on small things, I get irritated and easily gets upset and frustrated and I became impatient ..…. until I get tired and felt that my spirit is suffering – – – longing for peace in my heart. That was the time I asked myself what is wrong …. I don’t want to be a grouchy person and I don’t want anger to envelope my heart. I silenced myself and when I opened the Bible — my eyes brought me to Ps 86:15 “But you, O Lord, are a merciful and loving God, always patient, always kind and faithful.” After reading it, my tears flowed from my eyes. Deep inside, I felt healing as It softened my heart. Since then as I dealt with daily life and whenever anger or impatience hit me – it reminds me of this scripture. I take deep breaths and say – Lord please keep me humble and let me control my emotions. I do not deserve to hurt You even more. Then I found God’s peace and mercy. There are times also as I correct myself – I just laughed and asked “ Lord is it You? Please let me see you in the heart of this person” and afterwards anger was gone as I brush it off and I move forward with a lighter heart.